Title: Merle-Walton Academy: Chapter Five
Author: insanityxspeaks
Rating: PG-13 (I guess for this chapter because it really deals with how difficult homosexuality can be)
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
POV: 1st, Ryan (just for this chapter)
Summary: Ryan is the shy new boy at Merle-Walton Academy, a traditional English boarding school. Brendon is the school mischief-maker who is harboring a small crush. VERY AU.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author Notes: Well this chapter is especially influenced by the Dead Poet's Society. This scene right here, with Ryan and Spencer, is pretty much just like the scene in the film with Todd and Neil when Neil confesses his love of acting, and then all the boys run around the room together and touch eachother a lot ;D. Lol. Still, I don't like this chapter much. But anyways, ummmm feedback equals lots of lovely karma and I hope you all like it! <3

One Two
Three Four



RYAN’S POV:

“Hey there, Ryan.”

I jumped at the sudden intrusion of the room’s bleak silence. It was just Spencer, starry-eyed and tousle-haired, even more so than usual. My brow furrowed. There was a slight skip in his step as he bounced from door to desk to bed, dumping his books heartily in that middle part, and then joining me on my bed. I scooted over slightly to make room. It was still taking time to get used to Spencer’s fixation with touching.

“You seem very…happy,” I said cautiously. He laughed.

“Happy? Happy? Dear boy, ‘happy’ is an understatement, I am borderline ecstatic.” His words twitched with a smile. His smile was infectious, I couldn’t help but catch some myself.

“So are you going to tell me what it is exactly that you are so happy – excuse me, ecstatic – about?”

Spencer looked down for a brief moment, like he desperately wanted to tell me, then changed his mind, then changed it back again. His mouth gaped in and out of openness rapidly, like a fish, before he finally stammered, “Well, alright…but – you must promise to keep it a secret.”

“What, why?”

“Because I said so, okay!” His outburst surprised me and I flinched slightly. Spencer was rather like the weather – unpredictable beyond measure, and unstable for sure.

He caught himself at sight of my recoil. “Look, it’s not a bad thing at all, what I’m about to tell you, it’s just some people wouldn’t be very happy about it. Like my father, for example. So, just keep this between us, okay?”

I nodded slowly, and waited patiently for him to continue.

“I’m going to act!”

I stared at him for a moment, before a smile faltered the blankness of my expression. The confession itself was no where near as great or dark as I expected, but the manner in which he delivered it, so dramatically and with so much passion and fire, I couldn’t help but smile broadly. And besides, the poor boy talked about it enough; it was the topic of at least a quarter of our conversations for the entire week that I’ve known him. Acting, as I was informed on a near daily basis, was a lifelong dream of Spencer’s, and I was proud of him for finally taking the initiative and going for it.
I patted him on the back, a gesture of which he smacked away lightly, instead pulling me in for a hug. Again with the touching. But I returned the affection as best as I could.

“That’s so great, Spencer. Will you be in a play?”

That same air of passion and fire infiltrated his words as he spoke again. “I’m trying out for a lead part in a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream being held at the local high school. Puck is the part I’m most interested in, as it’s the lead role, but truthfully any part I get I’ll be happy with. As long as I can act.”

I nodded. “Well good luck with everything. I really hope you get the part,” I said sincerely.

“Yeah…” he said dreamily, a wistful, nearly desperate look crossing his features. “And hey, what about you, you seem to be much happier lately, Mr. Ross.”

I blinked. “W-what?” Was I really that obvious?

“Yes sir, indeed. I’ve noticed a definite change…you’re coming out of your shell. Forming words instead of squeaks, you actually returned my hug, how’s that for progress, huh, buddy?”

“I-I guess…”

“So what is it then? A girl, perhaps?” This last part was spoken in a demure fashion and I nearly choked on my own spit at how quickly the boy was catching on. A mishap in words, but that was more on my part than his. I had not yet told him my secret, and I had no earthly idea how to go about divulging it.

“Well, it’s erm…something along those lines…”

Spencer smiled jovially, clapping me on the shoulder. “Does little Ryan have a crush?”

A red flush colored my cheeks and I bit my lip. Yes, yes I did have a crush, and such person liked me back, but it was most definitely not a girl. Anything but. “…Yes, but st-still, Spencer, its now how you might think…”

“What do you mean? Unless I’m mistaken, a crush is usually pretty straightforward. The only question left then is, who’s the girl?” He raised his eyebrows in question and I just looked at him helplessly. My teeth sank deep into my bottom lip again, and my hands twisted unto themselves nervously. How to say this? Should I simple hint at it, or should I just out with it forthright?

“…Well, see that’s the thing, it’s…” I took a deep breath, and swallowed deeply. All of a sudden my throat was remarkably dry. When sufficient saliva roused on my tongue to be able to form words, I managed to stammer out, “…it’s not a – a g-girl…”

Spencer’s bright smile was still plastered to his face. The truth of the situation was apparently so unfamiliar and outrageous to him that he wasn’t even considering that I could be gay.

“What do you mean?”

I stared deep into his eyes, pleading for him to understand without making me actually say it. Vulnerability was spelled plain on my face, and I caught his smile falter slightly when he eyed my imploring expression.

“Ryan, what is it? Just out with it, boy, come on, you know I’ll always respect you, no matter what.” His face was serious now, albeit for the small hint of a comforting smile on his lips that gave me that last boost of hope that I needed.

I closed my eyes. “I’m gay,” I whispered, so softly it was probably inaudible.

“I’m sorry Ryan, what was that?”

I gulped. He spoke it like he sincerely hadn’t heard me, but still, I couldn’t help but think, what if he did, and he disproved it to the extent that he convinced himself to believe he had just misheard me?

“I’m gay,” I said quietly, with a prominent air of insecurity.

Spencer looked away quickly. He didn’t move away from me, which I was mildly surprised by, but he seemed to be holding his breath. He let it all out in one lengthy gasp, while his hand ran through his thick brown hair. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. I bit my lip violently, and tipped my head back slightly, my eyes directed toward the heavens. Anything to hold back the tears I could feel burning beneath my eyelashes.

“Ryan…” he said softly, and I felt the weight of his hand on my shoulder.

I flicked my head, trying to shake the tears but one had already fallen onto my cheek then another followed it in shame.

“Ryan…” he said again. “Look at me.”

I did.

“Listen, it’s- it’s not as bad as you think. I just don’t quite understand, that’s all.”

I nodded quickly, still unsure of how he felt about the situation, still insecure.

“Ryan, come on, it’s not like this changes anything between us! You’re still one of my closest friends…”

A small smile appeared on my lips. God, was he wonderful. “R-really?”

“Of course! You’re a good kid, and sweet, and there’s – ” His hand slicked through his hair again, and swallowed. “…there’s nothing wrong with being gay.” He nodded to himself, as if trying to convince this to himself as well as me.

“Th-thanks, Spencer…” I murmured softly.

“So – so who’s the guy then?” I laughed a bit. I could tell he’s been dying to ask me this since the conversation began.

I smiled and bit my lip. “Brendon,” I said, the first word I’d spoken with confidence.

“Brendon?” Spencer burst into candid laughter. “Gay? Are you serious? My God, and does he like you back?”

“Yes! I wouldn’t of even mentioned anything if he didn’t…”

“Wow. Wow…I cannot wait to tell the boys this! Brendon Urie, Brendon Urie, girl-obsessed fiend if there ever was one, gay? Dear God – ”

I caught him by the shoulder, startled. “No, Spencer, you mustn’t! I’m not sure if he’s quite ready to come out yet, and quite frankly, I’m not even sure if I am either…”

He pouted briefly, his mood clearly dampened at the knowledge that he was not yet allowed to spread this juicy news. He opened his mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Ryan? Ryan, you in there?”

I jumped up from the bed at the sound of Brendon’s voice, and swung the door open, gingerly realizing how sadly pathetic I looked, so desperate to be in Brendon’s company.

I was greeted by that ever-welcome, broad smile. “Ryan!”

I bit my lip and grinned shyly. “Hey, Brendon.”

His mouth twisted awkwardly for a moment, just standing there in the door frame. He stepped forward into the room, and I shut the door.

“Oh.” I caught the look of slight surprise on Brendon’s face. “Hey, Spencer.”

Spencer stood up, chuckling, and patted Brendon on the back, dancing toward the door. “Hey there,” Spencer winked. Brendon looked mildly amused. “I’ll just leave you boys alone…” And with that, Spencer skipped out the door.

Brendon looked at me with that same amused/confused expression on his face, which I vaguely realized made him look like an adorable puppy dog. “What was that?”

I giggled, then regretted it. Why do I always look like such a silly school girl around him? “I told Spencer…”

“Told him what?”

I bit my lip, afraid suddenly that he would be angry with my decision. “Um…about us…”

“Oh.” He patted the bedding next to him, gesturing for me to sit down. “So what exactly are we, then?”

I faltered. “I’m – I’m not sure, Brendon, I was hoping you would know.”

He smiled then, pulling me into his lap. I didn’t fight it, sure that it would be awkward, but Brendon had a curious way of making intimate situations not nearly as awkward as you would think.

“Would you be my boyfriend?” His breath tickled my ear playfully, his arms circling round my body to lock around my waist, pulling my back further into his chest. I ducked my head shyly.

“Yes…” I whispered. His hand stroked my hair and I laid my hand on top of his.

“Ryan…” he sounded mildly hurt. “Do I still make you nervous?”

I was surprised by the question. “Yes, but not because I’m scared of you.”

His head found comfort in my shoulder, his hands squeezing mine within his. “Then what is it you’re nervous about? You just still seem a bit…apprehensive, and it worries me.”

“I just – ” The vulnerability had returned. “…I-I like you so much, and I’m just scared I’ll do something wrong,” I whispered weakly.

He stared deep into my eyes, chocolate meets caramel , and he looked like he wanted to kiss me, but I think silently we both agreed that would be moving a bit too quickly. “Never.” Instead he kissed the top of my head. “You’re perfect to me.”

And of course, just as this beautiful moment was being shared between us, the door swung open. I’ve really got to fix that damn lock.

“Hah! I knew it, Brendon!” A shock of brown hair blinded my vision as a figure raced into the room. Jon, of course.

“Ryan! Ryan is your secret lover boy!” Oh God, here we go.